Why didn't the skeleton go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.

How do ghosts wash their hair?

With shamboo. 

Why don’t vampires have more friends?

Because they are a pain in the neck.

Why did the zombie skip school?

He felt rotten.

Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?

Because he had no "body" to dance with. 

Are black cats bad luck?

Only if you're a mouse. 

What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claus-trophobia!

Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?
Because he had a low “elf” esteem!

What do elves learn in school?
The elf-abet.

What do you call Santa Claus when he doesn’t move?
Santa Pause.

What’s red and white, red and white, red and white?
Santa Claus rolling down a hill.

What did the turkey say to the computer?
Google, google, google!

What do you call a running turkey?
Fast food.